Today is Sunday, and on a normal Sunday i would get up with my boyfriend and his family and go to Church.
But this weekend I am in Hamilton, and My boyfriend is playing Airsoft with his friends.
I told him I would go to church here in Hamilton, by myself.
But...I kind of didn't go.
I know, this is bad right?
The main reason why, I didn't get up and go was because I slept through my alarm.
The other reason, is because I just...can't bring myself to go to church by myself. I don't know what it is.
I know that going to church should be a comfortable thing, but when I go by myself, I get really anxious.
I don't know how to explain it. But i just freak out about going to church by myself.
I think it has something to do with the fact that the church I go to here in Hamilton, isn't as welcoming as the Pukekohe one.
But even then I often feel awkward, like I'm intruding on peoples conversations.
Why can't i just trust in God that he will guide me through all of this?
Thats my other problem, I feel like I'm slipping away kind of.
Not from faith, but just.... in general.
Mik.
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Saturday, 17 August 2013
Sunday, 8 July 2012
Week Recap
So I had the BEST weekend.
In fact, just the best week!
A whole week off work. It has been BLISS!!!
I was in Wellington from Monday-Wednesday, went with my flatmates! We flew down and then Bused back up to Hamilton!
It was great! Did heaps of shopping and got to experience an earthquake(!)
The bus ride home wasn't as great. Way too long, being on that bus, with nothing much to do.
But the scenery was amazing! I forgot how truly beautiful New Zealand is!
Thursday I got to have dinner with my Mum, Sister and Bestie Carina! I stayed at her house and then the Friday we went to see Ice Age 4! Then after that, I hang out with my lovely Man and we went and watched the Rugby at my Sister in Laws Mum's house.
Then i stayed at my Brothers house, and the next day I had a mean mini roadtrip to Deveonport with some Good mates for a friends daughters first birthday.
Had such fun! Hung out with some awesome friends, and got to catch up with some old ones.
After the party, a group of us went to Kiwiyo and got frozen yogurt and then burgerfuel. and I honestly has the best time!
I did not want to leave Pukekohe this morning.
Seriously, I could happily live back in Pukekohe and hang out with all my old friends, and see my boyfriend more than once a week and it would be blissful.
But yes.
All in all, that was probably the best week/weekend I've had!
Was great that I didn't have to work, but now it's back to working every Saturday for the next month.
:(
In fact, just the best week!
A whole week off work. It has been BLISS!!!
I was in Wellington from Monday-Wednesday, went with my flatmates! We flew down and then Bused back up to Hamilton!
It was great! Did heaps of shopping and got to experience an earthquake(!)
The bus ride home wasn't as great. Way too long, being on that bus, with nothing much to do.
But the scenery was amazing! I forgot how truly beautiful New Zealand is!
Thursday I got to have dinner with my Mum, Sister and Bestie Carina! I stayed at her house and then the Friday we went to see Ice Age 4! Then after that, I hang out with my lovely Man and we went and watched the Rugby at my Sister in Laws Mum's house.
Then i stayed at my Brothers house, and the next day I had a mean mini roadtrip to Deveonport with some Good mates for a friends daughters first birthday.
Had such fun! Hung out with some awesome friends, and got to catch up with some old ones.
After the party, a group of us went to Kiwiyo and got frozen yogurt and then burgerfuel. and I honestly has the best time!
I did not want to leave Pukekohe this morning.
Seriously, I could happily live back in Pukekohe and hang out with all my old friends, and see my boyfriend more than once a week and it would be blissful.
But yes.
All in all, that was probably the best week/weekend I've had!
Was great that I didn't have to work, but now it's back to working every Saturday for the next month.
:(
Sunday, 1 July 2012
A new path;
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and...well with all the stuff going on with my sister, and with her friends and I know so many other people who suffer depression, anxiety, self harm...everything...And...I just....with all this, so close to home, and also going through depression myself, I know what it feels like.
So, after my degree I think I might still do teaching, and then after that, if I can afford it, do some papers in Psycology, or counsiling or mental health or SOMETHING.
Because, I just...It sounds weird, but I feel like I'm being called to do this.
I've always wanted to help people in some way, and i just..feel like this is the way to do it.
To show people who suffer that through music, drama, art, photography, and through God. You can overcome anything....
I don't know.. I just...it feels like it's what I have to do.
I don't know how I'm going to do it, but where there's a will, there's a way.
So yep, thats my goal.
Long term.
Whatever...I just, don't know how it will happen, but I need to help my sister.
I need to show her that she doesn't have to cut to relieve her frustration and pain and what not.
I need to get her better.
I just need to help.
So, after my degree I think I might still do teaching, and then after that, if I can afford it, do some papers in Psycology, or counsiling or mental health or SOMETHING.
Because, I just...It sounds weird, but I feel like I'm being called to do this.
I've always wanted to help people in some way, and i just..feel like this is the way to do it.
To show people who suffer that through music, drama, art, photography, and through God. You can overcome anything....
I don't know.. I just...it feels like it's what I have to do.
I don't know how I'm going to do it, but where there's a will, there's a way.
So yep, thats my goal.
Long term.
Whatever...I just, don't know how it will happen, but I need to help my sister.
I need to show her that she doesn't have to cut to relieve her frustration and pain and what not.
I need to get her better.
I just need to help.
Wednesday, 13 June 2012
3 Things....
THREE WAYS I AM STILL A KID
1. I still find extreme joy in watching Disney movies.
2. When I go to the Warehouse i go down the toy isle and push all the buttons!
3. I get grumpy over little thins.
2. When I go to the Warehouse i go down the toy isle and push all the buttons!
3. I get grumpy over little thins.
THREE WAYS I AM ALREADY OLD
1. I drive like a nana at times
2. I wear clothes that apparently make me look like a nana.
3. I like staying in on saturday nights instead of going out raging.
2. I wear clothes that apparently make me look like a nana.
3. I like staying in on saturday nights instead of going out raging.
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO
1. Own a canon.
2. Go on a trip overseas somewhere
3. Profess my faith.
2. Go on a trip overseas somewhere
3. Profess my faith.
THREE WAYS THAT I’M A STEREOTYPICAL “BOY”
1. I enjoy video games.
2. Pokemon? Yes!
3. Food. yep.
2. Pokemon? Yes!
3. Food. yep.
THREE WAYS THAT I’M A STEREOTYPICAL “GIRL”
1.I tend to always use my hair straightener
2.I like dressing up when i go out.
3. I freak out over bugs.
2.I like dressing up when i go out.
3. I freak out over bugs.
THREE NEW THINGS I WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
1. I want to try a new food.
2. I want to try light photography or light painting.
3.I want to try loose weight.
2. I want to try light photography or light painting.
3.I want to try loose weight.
THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MYSELF
1. My hair colour
2. My kindness
3.My.um..my legs?
2. My kindness
3.My.um..my legs?
THREE THINGS I STRONGLY DISLIKE ABOUT MYSELF
1.How i still dont particulalry stick up for myself.
2.I get emotional real easy.
3. I get annoyed at the little things
2.I get emotional real easy.
3. I get annoyed at the little things
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME
1. Bugs.
2. Loosing my loved ones.
3. The fact that I have to sort what i wanna do with my life.
2. Loosing my loved ones.
3. The fact that I have to sort what i wanna do with my life.
THREE OF MY EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS
1. Cellphone
2. Keys.
3.Wallet
2. Keys.
3.Wallet
THREE CHARACTERISTICS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO ME
1. Sense of humor.
2.Smile.
3.The respect that they give you.
2.Smile.
3.The respect that they give you.
THREE THINGS I JUST CAN’T DO
1.Cheat on someone.
2. Injure someone on purpose
3. Cheat on a test.
2. Injure someone on purpose
3. Cheat on a test.
THREE CAREERS I’M CONSIDERING
1. Teacher
2. Artistic Director. 3. Some sort of teacher or therapy person who uses creative outlets such as drama, photography and music to overcome things such as mental illnesses.
365 Day Challenge: Day 54.
day 54: your definition of love
Hmm, alrighty.
My definition of love is when you will do anything for that person, you can bend over backwards for them. But not only that, they make you feel safe,with their arms wrapped around them, you just feel safe.
Love to me, is when they joke around and you pull away, but they pull you back.
Or when you wake up with morning breath and they'll still kiss you.
It's letting them know the deepest secrets, the feelings you never say, and they don't judge you.
It's hearing their voice in the mornings on the other end of the phone, even though they woke you up.
Love to me is, when they put up with all the crazy, strange things you do, or say. It's when they make you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside and the outside. Just by kissing you. Or holding you.
It's when they take your hand in theirs and squeeze it as you fall asleep.
Love to me is knowing you're ultimately happy, when you're with this one person. when you can get lost in their eyes and you know them like the back of your hand, when you can just be you. You don't have think, you can be natural. Not caring about what you look like when you wake up in the morning because they'll still love you, no matter what. That is love.
<3 E.B
Hmm, alrighty.
My definition of love is when you will do anything for that person, you can bend over backwards for them. But not only that, they make you feel safe,with their arms wrapped around them, you just feel safe.
Love to me, is when they joke around and you pull away, but they pull you back.
Or when you wake up with morning breath and they'll still kiss you.
It's letting them know the deepest secrets, the feelings you never say, and they don't judge you.
It's hearing their voice in the mornings on the other end of the phone, even though they woke you up.
Love to me is, when they put up with all the crazy, strange things you do, or say. It's when they make you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside and the outside. Just by kissing you. Or holding you.
It's when they take your hand in theirs and squeeze it as you fall asleep.
Love to me is knowing you're ultimately happy, when you're with this one person. when you can get lost in their eyes and you know them like the back of your hand, when you can just be you. You don't have think, you can be natural. Not caring about what you look like when you wake up in the morning because they'll still love you, no matter what. That is love.
<3 E.B
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