Trouble..

Today is Sunday, and on a normal Sunday i would get up with my boyfriend and his family and go to Church.
But this weekend I am in Hamilton, and My boyfriend is playing Airsoft with his friends.
I told him I would go to church here in Hamilton, by myself.
But...I kind of didn't go.

I know, this is bad right?
The main reason why, I didn't get up and go was because I slept through my alarm.
The other reason, is because I just...can't bring myself to go to church by myself. I don't know what it is.
I know that going to church should be a comfortable thing, but when I go by myself, I get really anxious.
I don't know how to explain it. But i just freak out about going to church by myself.
I think it has something to do with the fact that the church I go to here in Hamilton, isn't as welcoming as the Pukekohe one.
But even then I often feel awkward, like I'm intruding on peoples conversations.

Why can't i just trust in God that he will guide me through all of this?
Thats my other problem, I feel like I'm slipping away kind of.
Not from faith, but just.... in general.

Mik.

Worries.

For some reason, the past couple of weeks…I’ve been feeling really low. 
For no reason, that I can think of anyway…There is my family stuff going on at the moment…I don’t know..I guess..I’m constantly worrying about things. 
There always seems to be something occupying my mind.. Like, money…car problems..what work is going to be like tomorrow..my mum..my sister…Endrico….all of these things..And I get so anxious..And i can’t handle it. 
And Uni..I worry about uni..and the future..because life is moving so fast….. I just want it all to slow down..or even stop for a minute. So I have time to take a breath.  

I don’t know…I guess this is me just.,crying out to the Lord for help. 
I feel lost..I’m having..mixed feelings about where I wanna go in life, career wise..I keep feeling like because i’m doing a BA and majoring in theatre..I’m not going to go anywhere..I keep telling myself, there’s heaps of jobs out there for me, I don’t have to worry. But it’s because I let other people get under my skin..and…
I don’t know.
I just wish that I could stop worrying. And that when I go to sleep at night, I could sleep without worry….
Before I go to sleep, I pray…But just lately, it hasn’t been working. 

But I won’t stop, because I know the Lord will help me overcome whatever it is is making me feel like this.

amen.  

Glorify.

I went to an Easter Camp this weekend, and I am so, so happy I went!
Not only did I make new friends and grow closer to people I also really understood a lot of stuff.
I really learnt and understood that Jesus died for our sins, God sent his only begotten son to die on the cross for our sins.
Which is something I find just amazing, because when you think about, we all sin, it is all around us, and to have someone who has saved us from sin, and can save us from sin is great.
One of the things we talked about at the camp was "What it means to you to be a Christian?"
And that made me thing, i thought it about it the whole camp. And then on Sunday we had a dawn service where we were asked "Who Jesus is to us?." and I really and deeply thought about that and I now have answers.

Firstly who is Jesus to me.
Jesus is my new best friend. I used to attend church regularly when I was younger, and I guess I knew basics about the Lord and what he's done for us, then as I got older I couldn't attend church, I stopped going. I had a little bit of spiritual activity in high school, but not for long, and soon I just kind of forgot about God.
I went through a lot of rough times in my Life, a divorce of my parents, I had a lot of friendship bust ups, family distress and then I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
This was all around 2007-2010, I was probably at my lowest point then, particularly 2010. Back then I felt like I had no hope, there were so many times that I felt like giving up on my life, but I stuck through. It took me at camp to realize what kept me going. It was Gods strength, and his Grace that kept me going. While I had forgotten about him, he hadn't forgotten about me. I think I new deep down in my heart, He was always with me. It just took meeting a certain someone to reboot that faith in Him.
So, that is who Jesus is to me. He is my savior. My saving grace. He saved me from myself, and he put me through trials and tribulations so I could learn from them, and come out a stronger person.

The next answer was harder for me to put together. I didn't grow up in a christian family, with a christian background like most of the other people at camp might have, and because I went such a long time without attending church or anything like that I guess I didn't soak up much religious ways or history.
But I think to me being a NEW christian means, learning. Learning more and more each day about Gods wondrous ways, what he's done for us, and how he will come back for us. How we need him.
It means understanding that when You think you are alone you can have someone to turn to.
That's my thoughts.

So, judge all you want, I am posting this to glorif God for all he's done, and all he is doing.

"Guard my life and rescue me; let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you."-Pslam 25:20"

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."-John 3:16. 

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."-Proverbs 3:5

If you read this thank you if not that's fine.

Peace out and God Bless.

 

Be Thankful.

I'm sitting on my Dad's couch, full from eating Bacon,Potatoes and salad. Right now my boyfriend and about 25 other people are out on a farm. It's probably cold and will most likely start raining soon.
They are doing an event called Survivor Poverty.
Here is a small part about what it stands for. 

"Within the towering walls of imprisonment you’re subject to hard labour, abused and fed meagre portions of food. You are a political prisoner. You are scum.You are a Christian.This is reality for our brothers and sisters in many countries around the world. To declare trust in Jesus Christ means poverty and oppression—even torture. Jesus tells us to take up our cross and follow him:What are YOU willing to lose?"

Basically Survivor is a way to raise money for the persecuted churches around the world.
When at survivor, you have to build huts or "slums" in which you will sleep for the weekend.
You eat small portions of food. Rice, beans or porridge. You live in one pair of clothes and have to bathe in a little bath. You're not aloud cellphones, ipods, laptops, books anything like that.
No nothing. 


I wanted to do it this weekend, but here I am. Sitting on my laptop, TV blaring in the background, cellphone next to me.
Someone else out there in the world has nothing.
All because they are a Christian. 
That makes me sad, because you shouldn't be judged or persecuted because of what you believe. 


So, really what I'm trying to say with this post is be Thankful for what you have in life, because some people have nothing. Give thanks to God for what you have in life, but also, just be Happy. 

 "You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God." 2 Corinthians 9:11

"Then we your people, the sheep of Your pasture, will give You thanks forever." Pslam 79: 13.

 

Respect~

Really hope my friends can accept the fact that I am becoming a better christian (trying to) and that I have faith in God...
I'm not going to ~Shove it down there throats~ or anything like that.
I just want all of them to respect that.
I used to go to church when i was younger. I don't feel that I have changed in anyway, in fact I feel like I've become a better person.
I won't make them come to church with me, I won't get them to read the bible. It's not like I'm going to be all up in their faces. As long as they understand what I believe then that's fine.
I respect what they believe and how the feel and therefore, because they're my friends they should respect what I feel and believe.

That is all..