Trouble..

Today is Sunday, and on a normal Sunday i would get up with my boyfriend and his family and go to Church.
But this weekend I am in Hamilton, and My boyfriend is playing Airsoft with his friends.
I told him I would go to church here in Hamilton, by myself.
But...I kind of didn't go.

I know, this is bad right?
The main reason why, I didn't get up and go was because I slept through my alarm.
The other reason, is because I just...can't bring myself to go to church by myself. I don't know what it is.
I know that going to church should be a comfortable thing, but when I go by myself, I get really anxious.
I don't know how to explain it. But i just freak out about going to church by myself.
I think it has something to do with the fact that the church I go to here in Hamilton, isn't as welcoming as the Pukekohe one.
But even then I often feel awkward, like I'm intruding on peoples conversations.

Why can't i just trust in God that he will guide me through all of this?
Thats my other problem, I feel like I'm slipping away kind of.
Not from faith, but just.... in general.

Mik.

Quite Often

Quite often I feel as though I annoy people. A lot.
More particular I feel as though I annoy my boyfriend.
He said to me last night that he think's we're "stuck". I mean, in our relationship we are both content and happy and I couldn't ask for anyone else other than him.
But because we both have Uni to finish (him more so than me as I can graduate next year) we can't really talk about living together and getting married on moving on with our lives.
Well we do talk about it ALL the time, but thats all it is, is talk.
The other thing that I guess you could say is holding us back from moving forward in our relationship is the
fact that if say for example we did move in together, go flatting together even with a group of people.... His parents and a lot of people from the church would "dissaprove".
I still don't know how that makes me feel....
 But yeah.

I would absolutely love to move in with Endrico, it would mean we'd actually get to relax around each other and just have fun and be ourselves.
it's so hard when there are all these rules that you have to follow in order to keep people happy.
And i makes me sad knowing that we are kind of just floating...that nothing else can really happen yet.