Big Decisions.

I have got some very big choices to make.
And I have to make them within the next 2 weeks or so. I don't know why I'm so unsure about all of this.
I think it might have something to do with the fact that there are so many possibilities for what I actually want to do.

When I was thinking about coming to University when I was in my last  year of high school.
I knew pretty much exactly what I wanted to do. Which was teaching early childhood. When that got "struck down" so to speak, I took it as a sign that I wasn't ready to do teaching and had some growing up to do. Or that maybe I shouldn't do teaching at all.
That was a pretty big decision for me. Changing my whole idea of what I wanted to do with my life, putting my dream of being a teacher on hold. But i think because of that, because I stopped, did my BA, I've come to learn a lot more, and think a lot more about why I actually want to teach, and how I want to make a difference in other peoples lives.

The big decision for me now, it choosing between doing my Graduate Diploma in either Early Childhood, Primary or High School teaching.
I've talked to a lot of people, gotten some good advice and feedback and what not. But I still am so lost at choosing which area I should go.
There are good and bad points for all the areas, but I think whats putting me off the most is the fact that I'm terrified I will pick the wrong one.
That's why I'm trying to think about everything so carefully, so intrinsically about where I want to go.
My main goal in life is to help children and youth who have sturrgled or who are struggling with the help of theatre.
If there is any way I can do this, I will be willing to try. But for now, I have got some seriously big decisions to make.

x

Tell me where our time went.....

Well here I am, on the home stretch I guess you could call it.
Pretty much only 3 months left to go of my Degree, and then I can graduate and step out into the big wide world.
3 more months until I have to figure what exactly it is I want to do for the rest of my life. That's the part that scares me the most.

Ya see, I am pretty sure I want to do teaching.
I know I want to do teaching.
I am almost 110% certain I want to do teaching. But there is that small part of me that is going...Do you want to study for another year? Do you want to put up with kids? Don't you want to go out and explore and do other things and maybe try do some shows first before you do this and ohmygosh what should i do HELP!

Yep, these are the thoughts that for the last month have been plaguing my mind.
I know I have to move fast, because If I do want to do teaching, I have to get my application in ASAP
The trouble is I still dont know which area of teaching I want to do...
It's so hard.... Choosing because I'm worried I might not like one thing and want to do something else...

SO YEAH...
I have a lot of big choices to make right now..... And at the same time, I also have to worry about my final semester which is actually going to be a lot tougher than I thought. 

Pressure and choices and decisions.... I hate all those words. And I just wish I could have someone pick for me.
Like, you just go up to a big desk of life and they go okay... So, you are destined to do this job. and study this. Here you go. No big decisions for you. Thank you, have a nice day. Bye. 

That's the dream. Just having life and a job all mapped out and ready to go so you don't have to freak about making a choice. Which could change your life.

Currently, a good song to describe me would be Pressure by Paramore. 

I can feel the pressure
It's getting closer now

Yep. pretty much perfect.
This year has been the speediest year of my life, I swear it has just flown by. It's. CRAZY!!!
Anyway, guess that's it for now.
Maybe I'll have a sudden realization that I want to do a certain area of teaching and I can relax.

Stay golden.
Mik.

It's makes me sad...

On tumblr, I follow a few people who self harm.
Now, I know that self-harm is a growing problem in teenagers throughout the world.
But, it makes me sad the amount of people I know who self-harm or have been self-harmers.
It seriously makes me think, what could make someone, so severly depressed that they feel the only way to relieve them of their sadness or pain or whatever is to harm themselves. Sure, when I was depressed, I sometimes felt the urge to try and cut myself, or something similar, but I was always too chicken. So maybe the people who do this are deemed "brave". because they have "strength" to bring harm to themselves. But no.
Some people say it's for attention. Yes, in some ways, it's attention seeking, but it's the attention seeking for HELP. These people, teenagers a like, need HELP. And sometimes it's like there is no one to give it to them.
I mean, I personally have someone very dear to me who selfharms.
And i wish every day that I could have done more to see the signs of he sadness, I think all the time, that I should have noticed that she was injuring her, that I should have seeked help before it got this bad.

I know that as one person, I can't help these people. These people who suffer depression, anxiety, and what not.
But i wish I could.
So. I will say this.
if you are ever feeling depressed, seek help. straight away, don't just brush it off, don't just hide it, don't use self-harm as an outlet for your pain.
check out.
http://www.depression.org.nz/content/home
This site helped me a lot. also
http://www.thelowdown.co.nz/
So did this one.

So please, before you think the only outlet to your pain is harming your self. Stop and think. Because it won't just affect you. But everyone around you. There's so much more to life, and so many other ways to make your self feel better.

M.