Trouble..

Today is Sunday, and on a normal Sunday i would get up with my boyfriend and his family and go to Church.
But this weekend I am in Hamilton, and My boyfriend is playing Airsoft with his friends.
I told him I would go to church here in Hamilton, by myself.
But...I kind of didn't go.

I know, this is bad right?
The main reason why, I didn't get up and go was because I slept through my alarm.
The other reason, is because I just...can't bring myself to go to church by myself. I don't know what it is.
I know that going to church should be a comfortable thing, but when I go by myself, I get really anxious.
I don't know how to explain it. But i just freak out about going to church by myself.
I think it has something to do with the fact that the church I go to here in Hamilton, isn't as welcoming as the Pukekohe one.
But even then I often feel awkward, like I'm intruding on peoples conversations.

Why can't i just trust in God that he will guide me through all of this?
Thats my other problem, I feel like I'm slipping away kind of.
Not from faith, but just.... in general.

Mik.